YUMMY ON THE BEACH
Before we cross the bridge and head downtown, let me give you a little background on Yummy. We met one hot summer day out at Ditch Plains- a popular beach on Montauk LI. I was there with a couple of friends and Dr. Stripper. This beach is like Manhattan with sand. You can't stroll down the strip of white sand without running into someone you know from town. Some people like this aspect of weekends and country homes. I, for one, do not. City folks are afraid of the locals and figure there's safety in numbers. They search out each other like lost sheep in coyote country. That's why I live where I live. If I want to see Manhattanites i go Manhattan. I don't mind coyotes.
As I sat on a blanket playing dominoes and tried to keep an eye on DS frolicing in the surf, a familiar face approached. It was this guy Otter and his companion, a striking, tan beauty in a rawhide laced, denim one piece, and Jackie O shades. It wasn't love at first sight but it was mutual curiosity. They joined the blanket. As the conversation picked up we learned we knew many of the same people but for some reason had never crossed paths. DS returned, shaking her wet red hair and making her presence known to the new additions under the umbrella. She had a ear piercing laugh that made fingernails on a blackboard seem calming. A little too eager to please. Just her age, I told myself. We made dinner plans and Otter and ? moved off. I never did catch her name.
A year later I'm sitting on a female friend's couch with Sailor Ricky, my photog friend, watching Monday night football and damned if the beach girl, didn't emerge from the kitchen carrying a plate of nachos. I was kind of a mess over Dr. Stripper's infidelity with a former friend, subsequent breakup and my recently passed 40th birthday I don't think I'd taken a shower in a week. We recognised each other and took it from there. Like puppies, girlfriends are chick magnets. I was way less attractive sitting there, single with the Sailor, drinking a Budweiser, stuffing nachos in my face. After a couple of false starts we went on a movie date. It was Dracula. I met her in front. "You shaved?" she said, disappointed i no longer sported the scruff. I was trying to look more presentable. Two demerits right out of the gate.
The movie was OK. Dating tips: If you don't have a puppie or a girlfriend on your arm, try being uninterested in everything they say, surly, snide and bored. It was working. We went for a post-movie drink. Back on my couch a couple of hours later, I fumbled with buttons and zippers. She told me to slow down...but not stop. Then she gave me directions on how to kiss her properly. Okaaaay.....I played along, trying to follow directions. I guess I did alright because the next night she showed up at the bar I was working at and left with me after a nightcap. A year later we were engaged. Look. There's the bridge. Friendly pulled a five from her mushroom laden purse and handed it to me. Deep breath. Here we go.
As I sat on a blanket playing dominoes and tried to keep an eye on DS frolicing in the surf, a familiar face approached. It was this guy Otter and his companion, a striking, tan beauty in a rawhide laced, denim one piece, and Jackie O shades. It wasn't love at first sight but it was mutual curiosity. They joined the blanket. As the conversation picked up we learned we knew many of the same people but for some reason had never crossed paths. DS returned, shaking her wet red hair and making her presence known to the new additions under the umbrella. She had a ear piercing laugh that made fingernails on a blackboard seem calming. A little too eager to please. Just her age, I told myself. We made dinner plans and Otter and ? moved off. I never did catch her name.
A year later I'm sitting on a female friend's couch with Sailor Ricky, my photog friend, watching Monday night football and damned if the beach girl, didn't emerge from the kitchen carrying a plate of nachos. I was kind of a mess over Dr. Stripper's infidelity with a former friend, subsequent breakup and my recently passed 40th birthday I don't think I'd taken a shower in a week. We recognised each other and took it from there. Like puppies, girlfriends are chick magnets. I was way less attractive sitting there, single with the Sailor, drinking a Budweiser, stuffing nachos in my face. After a couple of false starts we went on a movie date. It was Dracula. I met her in front. "You shaved?" she said, disappointed i no longer sported the scruff. I was trying to look more presentable. Two demerits right out of the gate.
The movie was OK. Dating tips: If you don't have a puppie or a girlfriend on your arm, try being uninterested in everything they say, surly, snide and bored. It was working. We went for a post-movie drink. Back on my couch a couple of hours later, I fumbled with buttons and zippers. She told me to slow down...but not stop. Then she gave me directions on how to kiss her properly. Okaaaay.....I played along, trying to follow directions. I guess I did alright because the next night she showed up at the bar I was working at and left with me after a nightcap. A year later we were engaged. Look. There's the bridge. Friendly pulled a five from her mushroom laden purse and handed it to me. Deep breath. Here we go.
posted by mike osterhout at 9:25 AM
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