BLAME THE JEWS
My producer is running around, tweeking buttons and positioning mics, rattling and poking crap and he's still not happy with the sound. I sit quietly on the couch about as useful as teats on a bore. Finally he just looks at me with this desparate look and says, "I have to learn to calm down. It's tough being a Jew." No one blames the Jews like a Jew. Being a bit of an amature theologian I'm always interested in comparative religions. "That's like blaming my Dutch ancestors for my inability to keep the beat." I reason. He nods in agreement. "Exactly."
There's an entire chapter of a book on the history of the Catskill mountains that is devoted to my family. It's called the Christmo Narrative. It starts with Great, great, great grandpa Gilbert. He was a civilian contractor for George Washington's army when they got in his neck of the woods. Before that he killed indians for proifit (and most likely fun). G was a motherfucker. I guess I could blame him for not coming in on the one. I don't know, the Jews have something different going on. They blame the entire people for their misfortunes. And over and above that, they blame God. As His chosen people, God shows a particularly perculiar sense of tough love with the Jews. I think their beef is justified there.
Then there's the rest of the world that blames the Jews also. Bad credit? It's the Jews. Movie sucked? It's the Jews. Like a room full of rednecks joining Ali G sing "THROW THE JEW DOWN THE WELL" we don't need much prodding to point the finger. Hamas just got elected as the party of choice in Gaza. Osama surfaced with another cassette. Why doesn't he go digital? Where's all my Al Quaeda donations going? I don't think we can blame him on the Jews. But then again...
Back in the studio I've got a special guitar virtuoso sitting in. He just returned from Israel where his daughter lives. We lay down some tastey "Wes Montgomery" sounding licks and he cracks another Miller tall boy. The producer's brow furrows. I can't tell wether he's pleased or not. It sounds good to me, but I'm Dutch what do I know? When the guitar genius gets up to leave he starts bitching about his leg. He fell on one of those ancient Jeruselem streets and fucked it up bad. I can read his mind as he hobbles away through the snow. "Those Jews can't make a decent sidewalk?"
There's an entire chapter of a book on the history of the Catskill mountains that is devoted to my family. It's called the Christmo Narrative. It starts with Great, great, great grandpa Gilbert. He was a civilian contractor for George Washington's army when they got in his neck of the woods. Before that he killed indians for proifit (and most likely fun). G was a motherfucker. I guess I could blame him for not coming in on the one. I don't know, the Jews have something different going on. They blame the entire people for their misfortunes. And over and above that, they blame God. As His chosen people, God shows a particularly perculiar sense of tough love with the Jews. I think their beef is justified there.
Then there's the rest of the world that blames the Jews also. Bad credit? It's the Jews. Movie sucked? It's the Jews. Like a room full of rednecks joining Ali G sing "THROW THE JEW DOWN THE WELL" we don't need much prodding to point the finger. Hamas just got elected as the party of choice in Gaza. Osama surfaced with another cassette. Why doesn't he go digital? Where's all my Al Quaeda donations going? I don't think we can blame him on the Jews. But then again...
Back in the studio I've got a special guitar virtuoso sitting in. He just returned from Israel where his daughter lives. We lay down some tastey "Wes Montgomery" sounding licks and he cracks another Miller tall boy. The producer's brow furrows. I can't tell wether he's pleased or not. It sounds good to me, but I'm Dutch what do I know? When the guitar genius gets up to leave he starts bitching about his leg. He fell on one of those ancient Jeruselem streets and fucked it up bad. I can read his mind as he hobbles away through the snow. "Those Jews can't make a decent sidewalk?"
posted by mike osterhout at 3:26 PM
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