1984
My one and only role as an actor was as Winston Smith in the high school production of George Orwell's 1984. When the year finally rolled around I looked for similarities of fact with fiction. Of course I had to pay homage to Mr. Orwell in titleing one of my performances 1984. 2 plus 2 is 5. True story.
Cookie and I got a four floor walk up in Brooklyn. Our nut had gone from $200 to $1000 plus with the move east. The pressure was now on to make a buck. My first show was the artist Stelarc. This Australian was known for having himself suspended from hooks passed through his skin, in various spots around the world. I had shown his photos in SF and figured this was a good show to open with in NYC. I was right. I got a blurb in the Village Voice and steady traffic right out of the gate. I didn't sell anything but was confident this would change once I became more established. One Sunday Cookie sat the gallery while i went upstate to attend a bachelor party for a friend from high school. Bird and Itchy now had two little girls- #1 and #2. It was great to be home.
We spent the day drinking and playing volley ball. When it got dark I was ill prepared for how cold it got. I borrowed a pair of brown overalls and Bird and I went in search of a bar. When we pulled into Montgomery we noticed a big crowd spilling out of Clare's (our favorite teenage drinking spot). I was impressed that Montgomery had become such a party town. It looked like Daytona Beach on Spring Break. I cinched up my baggy overalls and with visions of wet T-shirt contests headed for the front door. Before I knew it a uniformed police officer stepped in my path. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked in that cop way. The question took me by surprise. "To get a drink." I said. "Let's see some ID." he commanded. So this is what the world had come to? Big Brother was now asking to see your papers a block before the bar. Times HAD changed. I was incensed. "I don't have to give you any fucking ID." I responded indignantly. Well sir, we'll just have to see about that.
I was slammed to the ground and handcuffed by a half dozen burly men in Izod shirts and wind breakers. The cop stood by and watched as they stuffed me in the back of a squad car. The cuffs were too tight and I was too drunk to stay quiet. I launched into tirade, pointing out just how unfair it was to stop a citizen bar patron a mile outside the bar and ask for papers when all i wanted was a cold fucking beer, you cocksucking, squirrely dicked, piece of shit, mutherfucking...... Out of the corner of my eye I spied Bird talking solemnly to a cop. "Who's that asshole?" the officer asked. "That's my brother, Christmo." Bird answered shaking his head. "Can't pick your family." the cop said putting his hand sympathetically on my bro's shoulder.
The squad car drove me a full block to the old Academy building and deposited me where I had attended elementary school and helped my grandfather clean those shitty toilets. The cell they put me in was where I had cleaned the erasers. All these fond memories came flooding back. Then i remembered I was in jail. I could hear Bird pleading with the cops to release me. "I know." he agreed "He's an asshole. I know." What the...? I was willing to stay in protest just to prove my point. What would Martin Luther King do? It just wasn't right. What had happened to this town since I'd been gone? Power to the people- esp. the drinking public.
Then Officer MIlo (the guy who asked for my ID) strode up to the bars. "You're lucky you have such a good brother. There was a bomb threat and we'd be within our rights to search you for that bomb....if you get my drift." I didn't say a word. A bomb threat? Huh. Well I guess I really didn't have to stay in jail as as a form of protest against the totalitarian Montgomery police state. Officer Milo unlocked the bars and released me into my brother's custody. I was thirsty and a bit worked up over the whole incident. "We gonna go to Clare's?" I asked innocently. Bird didn't say a word the whole ride back to his house. #1 and #2 were sound asleep. "You know that cell is where we used to clean eraser with Gramp?" I said trying to lighten the mood. Talk to the hand. 2 plus 2 is five.
Cookie and I got a four floor walk up in Brooklyn. Our nut had gone from $200 to $1000 plus with the move east. The pressure was now on to make a buck. My first show was the artist Stelarc. This Australian was known for having himself suspended from hooks passed through his skin, in various spots around the world. I had shown his photos in SF and figured this was a good show to open with in NYC. I was right. I got a blurb in the Village Voice and steady traffic right out of the gate. I didn't sell anything but was confident this would change once I became more established. One Sunday Cookie sat the gallery while i went upstate to attend a bachelor party for a friend from high school. Bird and Itchy now had two little girls- #1 and #2. It was great to be home.
We spent the day drinking and playing volley ball. When it got dark I was ill prepared for how cold it got. I borrowed a pair of brown overalls and Bird and I went in search of a bar. When we pulled into Montgomery we noticed a big crowd spilling out of Clare's (our favorite teenage drinking spot). I was impressed that Montgomery had become such a party town. It looked like Daytona Beach on Spring Break. I cinched up my baggy overalls and with visions of wet T-shirt contests headed for the front door. Before I knew it a uniformed police officer stepped in my path. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked in that cop way. The question took me by surprise. "To get a drink." I said. "Let's see some ID." he commanded. So this is what the world had come to? Big Brother was now asking to see your papers a block before the bar. Times HAD changed. I was incensed. "I don't have to give you any fucking ID." I responded indignantly. Well sir, we'll just have to see about that.
I was slammed to the ground and handcuffed by a half dozen burly men in Izod shirts and wind breakers. The cop stood by and watched as they stuffed me in the back of a squad car. The cuffs were too tight and I was too drunk to stay quiet. I launched into tirade, pointing out just how unfair it was to stop a citizen bar patron a mile outside the bar and ask for papers when all i wanted was a cold fucking beer, you cocksucking, squirrely dicked, piece of shit, mutherfucking...... Out of the corner of my eye I spied Bird talking solemnly to a cop. "Who's that asshole?" the officer asked. "That's my brother, Christmo." Bird answered shaking his head. "Can't pick your family." the cop said putting his hand sympathetically on my bro's shoulder.
The squad car drove me a full block to the old Academy building and deposited me where I had attended elementary school and helped my grandfather clean those shitty toilets. The cell they put me in was where I had cleaned the erasers. All these fond memories came flooding back. Then i remembered I was in jail. I could hear Bird pleading with the cops to release me. "I know." he agreed "He's an asshole. I know." What the...? I was willing to stay in protest just to prove my point. What would Martin Luther King do? It just wasn't right. What had happened to this town since I'd been gone? Power to the people- esp. the drinking public.
Then Officer MIlo (the guy who asked for my ID) strode up to the bars. "You're lucky you have such a good brother. There was a bomb threat and we'd be within our rights to search you for that bomb....if you get my drift." I didn't say a word. A bomb threat? Huh. Well I guess I really didn't have to stay in jail as as a form of protest against the totalitarian Montgomery police state. Officer Milo unlocked the bars and released me into my brother's custody. I was thirsty and a bit worked up over the whole incident. "We gonna go to Clare's?" I asked innocently. Bird didn't say a word the whole ride back to his house. #1 and #2 were sound asleep. "You know that cell is where we used to clean eraser with Gramp?" I said trying to lighten the mood. Talk to the hand. 2 plus 2 is five.
posted by mike osterhout at 10:54 AM
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