ITCHY PALM SUNDAY
As the readers of this blog can tell, I'm winding down. From here on I'll be giving you the chronological account of my life, until we end up right where we started. Forget the happy endings or resolutions. Right now I'm just trying to fill in the blanks. Forgive me if I repeat myself, or if you know me well enough to already be way too familiar with many of these years. In order to cleanse the pallet a bit, let me catch you up with what's been happening recently around the Ponderosa.
The TV has barely been shut off since i got that satellite screwed to the front of the house. One of the side benefits of this is that when the phone rings I can see who's calling displayed on the screen. My mish mash of rotary phone, lap top and now satellite dish is becoming more and more efficient. I no longer have to use the tin can and string.
The production of my CD- Lucky 13 is sort of dead in the water. Greg is MIA. Jail? Dead? Shaking with the sugars? Who knows? Slick (my recording engineer/producer) broke up with the super model and is preparing to go to Argentina to visit some rock star friend and get bikini waxed. On Palm Sunday eve he called to invite GNJohn and I to go out to dinner at some new local spot with a big group. I don't usually go in for this sort of thing. It's always a let down- bad food, small portions and too expensive. Plus Kung Fu Hustle was on. But, Slick made it sound like fun and i felt obliged to accept. He said he'd pick GNJ and I up at 8. At 8:45 GNJ called to inform me that Slick had forgotten us and was now at the restaurant apologizing and begging us out. GNJ was pissed, ego bruised, and his elbows went akimbo. No way was he gonna go now. I was relieved, engrossed in Kung Fu Hustle, and farting loudly on the couch. I was also surprised at my reaction to being stood up. Is this what they call enlightenment? Phone call after phone call followed. The TV told me I had no reason to pick up.
The next day Slick emailed me with the story, and explanation of why he acted so badly. "I'm sorry i forgot you guys. I was just getting ready to go when Spanky (my rich neighbor and Carlito's boss) showed up in his big silver Mercedes. He had my friend Dave the dentist and the guy from Scarface in the car with him- the actor who played Manolito in the movie. They wanted to play guitar and Dave told them to check out the studio. So we smoked a couple of joints and ended up playing Dylan covers until I was late. I rushed around (stoned) and headed to the restaurant, forgetting all about picking up you guys. Sorry."
You see, there's absolutely no reason to leave the couch or turn off the TV. Life is swirling around outside, but I could give a shit. Poor GNJ took it hard and didn't sleep well. I clued him into my enlightened state (and rolled a joint) and he felt much better. Spanky's big silver Mercedes is kicking up dust as it climbs the road up to his mansion across the road. Carlito blows the horn as he drives by in his truck. The Gormley brothers dropped off a stringer of trout. My gaseous enlightened state is bothering no one and SCARFACE is on this afternoon. THE WORLD IS YOURS. I can see you calling.
The TV has barely been shut off since i got that satellite screwed to the front of the house. One of the side benefits of this is that when the phone rings I can see who's calling displayed on the screen. My mish mash of rotary phone, lap top and now satellite dish is becoming more and more efficient. I no longer have to use the tin can and string.
The production of my CD- Lucky 13 is sort of dead in the water. Greg is MIA. Jail? Dead? Shaking with the sugars? Who knows? Slick (my recording engineer/producer) broke up with the super model and is preparing to go to Argentina to visit some rock star friend and get bikini waxed. On Palm Sunday eve he called to invite GNJohn and I to go out to dinner at some new local spot with a big group. I don't usually go in for this sort of thing. It's always a let down- bad food, small portions and too expensive. Plus Kung Fu Hustle was on. But, Slick made it sound like fun and i felt obliged to accept. He said he'd pick GNJ and I up at 8. At 8:45 GNJ called to inform me that Slick had forgotten us and was now at the restaurant apologizing and begging us out. GNJ was pissed, ego bruised, and his elbows went akimbo. No way was he gonna go now. I was relieved, engrossed in Kung Fu Hustle, and farting loudly on the couch. I was also surprised at my reaction to being stood up. Is this what they call enlightenment? Phone call after phone call followed. The TV told me I had no reason to pick up.
The next day Slick emailed me with the story, and explanation of why he acted so badly. "I'm sorry i forgot you guys. I was just getting ready to go when Spanky (my rich neighbor and Carlito's boss) showed up in his big silver Mercedes. He had my friend Dave the dentist and the guy from Scarface in the car with him- the actor who played Manolito in the movie. They wanted to play guitar and Dave told them to check out the studio. So we smoked a couple of joints and ended up playing Dylan covers until I was late. I rushed around (stoned) and headed to the restaurant, forgetting all about picking up you guys. Sorry."
You see, there's absolutely no reason to leave the couch or turn off the TV. Life is swirling around outside, but I could give a shit. Poor GNJ took it hard and didn't sleep well. I clued him into my enlightened state (and rolled a joint) and he felt much better. Spanky's big silver Mercedes is kicking up dust as it climbs the road up to his mansion across the road. Carlito blows the horn as he drives by in his truck. The Gormley brothers dropped off a stringer of trout. My gaseous enlightened state is bothering no one and SCARFACE is on this afternoon. THE WORLD IS YOURS. I can see you calling.
posted by mike osterhout at 9:25 AM
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